Finding Joy…….Again

by Lori on June 18, 2014

I recently found this image on Pinterest. And the bad thing about Pinterest is that sometimes it is not linked to the original creator. So if this is your image, please let me know so I can give credit.

Anywho, I found this image and I literally stopped what I was doing and read it over and over again.

 

Finding Joy

To be honest, with everything that has been going on in my life I feel like I have lost my joy. Don’t get me wrong, my kids bring me so much joy. This particular image though speaks me beyond the role of motherhood.

The joy this image speaks to me about is of myself. The joy you find within yourself as a person.

Since my medical issues lately I have felt very alone. Alone to the point I dreaded leaving the house.  So alone that I feel like no one is reading anything you would write or have ever written. Your Facebook and twitter page is pretty much non-existent to anyone who has ever read it before.

That my friends is a joy killer.

The things that I once loved to do felt insignificant in the scheme of things.

This blog used to be one of my favorite things to work on and now, I am not even sure it still brings me the same joy it once did. I do not have a niche. I do not have a large following and in this world, number matter. So what once brought me a great sense of joy and pride, now brings me heartache and frustration. Do I love this blog, this space? More than you will ever know. It has been a place for me to reach out. Now, the joy of working in this space is gone. I am not sure how to get that joy back. If I will ever get it back. If I will never figure out what THIS SPACE is suppose to be among the millions of blogs on the internet.

Cooking used to bring me great joy. Of course since now I have to get so much help in the kitchen it has become a hassle and the reminder of everything I am dealing with. I can not even hold my camera up to photograph the new recipe I have developed and of course asking for help is a total  joy killer. For someone who HATES to ask for help this has been most difficult.

Exercising used to bring me joy. Yes, I said it. I was training for a half marathon at one point! I used to love it. Now, I loathe it. And of course I can not even do much because of the medical issues I face right now. BUT I also attempt to make every excuse under the sun for NOT even going for a walk. Mainly, its so stinking hot in Texas and the heat aggravates my neck. Stupid though.

Right now, the only thing I know that brings me great joy is my kids, waking up each day alive, and knowing that God has decided I deserve another day here on this earth.

While that SHOULD be enough I feel like I am missing so much more. I read other people’s blogs and their Facebook posts and they have SO MUCH JOY. Things they are doing and loving it.

I have no idea what the future holds for this space. This could be my last post for a month or forever. I could take time off and come back with my JOY back. I want that joy to come back. All of it. All at once.

I want to BE that JOY.

SHARE that JOY.

And get MORE of the JOY I once had.

 

 

 

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Linda Roberson June 18, 2014 at 7:35 pm

I am sorry you are so sad. I’ve been going through something similar recently and completely understand longing for joy. I could give you some bible verse here (about joy) that I am sure you’ve already heard but I won’t. I will tell you that trusting the Lord more, leaning on Him more and making more time for Him is where joy started creeping back into my life lately. I encourage you to make more quiet time with Him and in his word. I will continue to pray for you.
I also noticed that the more negative we are the more people pull away from us. Most people struggle so much with their own negativity or negativity from others in their life that they really can’t handle more of it. Again, I say turn to the Lord. He will never pull away from you Lori. He wants to love on you and show you the reason for this storm. Trust him <3

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Alison June 19, 2014 at 9:25 am

Lori! I am so sorry that you feel this way. I really hope your medical issues clear up soon!

In regards to not being able to hold your camera, do you own a tripod? I would think that would help so that you can take pictures. They aren’t that pricey either. May allow you that little bit of freedom that you can’t currently get, in regards to doing things on your own.

My blog is a cause for contention for me sometimes. I don’t feel like I’m in love with it like I once was, but I need to keep it up so that I have money for my family. Sometimes I just want to have the joy of not working and that I can just hang around and tend to my family and home.

Sorry for rambling! I’m sending good vibes down your way.
Alison´s last blog post ..Landon Graduates Pre-K

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