The Mission: Find Myself Again #health #life #fitness

by Lori on March 20, 2014

Oh how I have struggled with this. This post took a week and a half to come together.

This task has always been something that I just feel like I could not handle.

At one time I did. I actually took control and lost a lot of weight. I even signed up for a half marathon and then with no child care available I had to drop out. After that I think I kinda gave up on it all.

I had allergy testing done and found out I am allergic to the world and some food items. You think cutting those things out would help, but nope.  At first I really stayed on top of it but then I fell off the wagon. I still checked labels but was very relaxed on whatever I was eating, especially when it came to eating out.

There have been some medical issues come up in my family recently that really has me taken back and reevaluating everything. EVERYTHING. They flat out have me scared. I am terrified of the what ifs.

What I do on a day to day basis, my business, and even what goes into my body. That is all something I have control over. I do not have control over the medical issues of my family members or if I may too get the same medical issues someday, but I do have control over what goes into my body and what I do with my life.

I am the heaviest I have ever been. Even when pregnant with my three children I have never been this heavy.

It is depressing. And depressing is not something that I need to stick around in for a while. I have been there. It is not pretty and it takes a hell of a lot of work to just begin to claw my way to the surface of freedom.

I can not go there again.

This is my official public declare that I can not and I will not go back to the dark place of hating myself and hating the body I have. This is the post where I tell you what I am going to do to change.

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The desire is there. I can not stay the same. For myself and for my family.

The time has come to finally shut up the voices in my head that tell me I can not do this and prove them wrong! To the friends and family who say it can not be done, who make fun of the changes I am putting myself through, and to the ones who stare as I run. I am doing this all to Prove you all wrong.

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I will shut out all negativity. ALL NEGATIVITY. 

So what am I going to do to start living healthier?

I am so glad you asked! I do not have all the answers. Remember this is all new for me. I am not the same person I was several years ago when I embarked on this journey.

First off, I am finally going to start and finish the bible study called Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. I have owned the DVD, books, and more from this study for almost a year now and it still sits on my shelf. The DVD still shrink wrapped. I think this will help me with a lot of the mental things that I struggle with when it comes to food.

Secondly I am going to MOVE. This means setting “business hours” so I am only sitting at my computer for that set amount of time instead of it feeling like I have been here all day. This also means getting up. Moving. Walking. ANYTHING that gets me up and going. I HATE exercising. It is one of the main things I struggle with and so this one will be the most challenging of all. I am going to start with walking and yoga. Then I will move to my big dog, P90X3.

Third, I will control what goes into my mouth. Will I be hard core and never have a cheat day? Never have a glass of wine ever again? No way. This means I will be more mindful of what I eat and when I eat. Breakfast is tricky for me. Sometimes I skip it all together or I do not eat until 9:30am even though I have been up for 3 hours. I know this is not a good thing today when you are trying to lose weight and trying to get healthy but yet I do it every single day. I will snack smart so that when dinner comes around I am not consuming 50,000 calories because I am starving. I will learn to listen to my body. When it says ” I am full”, I will listen and stop eating. I will also not eat when I am bored or stressed. When those feelings come out I will refer back to number two. I will get up and I will move.

 

I want to wake up with determination and go to bed with satisfaction each and every day. The determination to get up and make today the best day I can. I want to go to bed satisfied with what I have done each day.  I want to inspire others. I want to inspire my children and my family. I want to be proud of myself.

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*Disclosure: This post does contain a few affiliate links. This means you click, you purchase…I get change for your purchase. It helps feed my bento supply addiction and my love for books. Thank you! 🙂 

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

rachel @RunningRachel March 20, 2014 at 10:21 am

You got this! I am so proud of you for stepping out of your comfort zone and sharing your goals. It is scary… but it IS worth it. YOU are worth it! <3

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Mel {MamaBuzz} March 20, 2014 at 11:02 am

Good for you, Lori! Shut out all the negativity, and focus on the positive. You’ve got this! This is both inspiring and motivating. And it will all be worth it in the end.

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